Article in Stretton Focus, April 2015
“I feel so guilty” – how often do we hear this? It’s often said by people with aged parents, or with a severely ill spouse, who can no longer cope, and has to resort to a nursing home. They have done all they can, but it still does not seem enough.
Parents feel bad if their children have problems, and wonder where they went wrong. We in the ‘developed’ world might feel guilty that our standard of living is so much higher than that in the ‘undeveloped’ world. Do we try to atone by contributing to charities?
There are many other forms of guilt. People, who have survived concentration camps, or wars, or serious accident, often suffer from survivor guilt. We can feel guilty about having bad thoughts. If we wish ill of someone, and they later suffer in some way, we may feel responsible. If we have bad luck, we may wonder what we have done wrong.
How do different religions deal with guilt? Judaism sees it as a way of honing the soul. In Islam, repentance brings Allah’s mercy: but those who despair of mercy commit a greater sin. Buddhism is more of a way of life than a religion. It says one should be contrite, and resolve to control oneself in the future. One should not get trapped in a self-centred melodrama, but treat oneself and others with compassion. Hinduism is a joy-based religion: after doing wrong one should read the Veda, repeat a mantra, and start again.
Christianity has the offer of forgiveness, freely given: and for those carrying a heavy burden of guilt this can be gladly received as good news. But it carries with it the demand to be forgiving of others, and that’s not always easily done!
Guilt is a powerful negative emotion which can paralyse and block the way to happiness. But it can also ‘catalyse’ and move us to repentance, and to make changes for the better. In any healthy attitude to life, we all need ways of dealing with guilt, so that we are not haunted by it. Religion may be the solution for some, but for all of us, we need to accept our guilty feelings, learn from them and move on.
Janet Longstaff
